Rebellion and Forgiveness
“Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face evermore” (1 Chronicles 16:11)
I was tired and cranky! I wanted to sit and do nothing. I watched the clock and knew the time was coming to get the dogs out for one last trip to the back yard, then I’d carry them up to bed. They have a routine and it takes time. I have a routine but I was just not in the mood.
The pups were settled in for the night. I sat down and pulled the button on the recliner. I still did not feel like reading my devotion and journaling. Truly, I found myself saying, “I’ll ask for forgiveness tomorrow.” After watching the news and playing a few games on my phone, I went to bed. No prayers, no nothing.
Sleep did not come easy; I tossed and turned all night but did not get up. It was a very short night for sleep but a very long night as the minutes and hours ticked by.
The morning brought a new realization. I did not sense God’s Presence with me. When I usually awaken, I ask, “What are we going to do today?” and it brings about a sense of excitement. There was none of that to be felt.
Even more tired than the night before, I sat on the edge of the bed and confessed my rebellion. What was I thinking? My best devotions are the ones I read and get into before I go to sleep. They tend to guard or protect my crazy thoughts and I find more restful sleep.
We have all heard and used these words: “It is easier to seek forgiveness than get permission.” In the business world, that may be the absolute truth. However, in the heavenly kingdom, I think it creates a problem. I willfully and knowingly did not want to pray or spend time in God’s Presence. If we are honest, I think most of us do this frequently. We choose other activities or no activity. At the very least, I could have prayed and asked God for rest and talked to Him about what was bothering me, but I chose to turn off the light and shut down.
When we “turn off the light” and shut Him out, we are left alone with our thoughts and that is very dangerous. The monsters seem bigger in the dark. Perhaps all we need to do is turn on the “Night Light.” Could it be that simple?
Heavenly Father, please give me the desire to seek Your Face and to want to spend time in Your Presence not out of habit but because of my love for You. AMEN.